How I Feel About My Body
This is a post I wrote on Facebook in May 2019. It was the culmination of several years training, and marked a real turning point for me in terms of how I viewed what I was capable of physically. Following this post, I had my moment of fame when BBC Cornwall made a short video about my journey.
Original Post:
This week is #mentalhealthawarenessweek. I only realised this about 10 minutes ago; I saw something someone else had posted about it, and thought I should post on Tots About. So I quickly Googled it to find out a bit more. The first thing I came across was MentalHealth.org. Which is where I learnt that the focus for this year is body image - how we think and feel about our bodies.
How I feel about my body. Those words really struck me.
I was immediately distracted from Tots About and instead started thinking about me. Me and my body and how I feel about it. And honestly, right now, I feel great about my body. I’ve been debating for ages about whether to put up one of those before and after ‘body transformation’ photos. And even now, writing this, I’m still not sure. Because, whilst I am really happy with how I look at the moment, I’m more happy about how my body feels, and what my body can do. And those photos don’t show that. Those photos don’t show how my body is now strong enough to do a pull up, when two years ago I could barely move an inch upwards. They don’t show how this morning I did a rope climb (I couldn’t get all the way to the top, but that was more about a fear of heights than physical strength). They don’t show how I can deadlift, and squat, and lunge, when before I couldn’t. They don’t show how I can now walk with virtually no limp; and walk for miles, when before I’d struggle to walk for more than ten minutes. More importantly the photos don’t show how I can do all of this with hardly any pain; that I rarely take painkillers, when I used to pop them like smarties.
I wish there was a before photo that could show the day after I had had my second triple-pelvic-osteotomy, when the surgeon asked me to lift my leg off the bed, and I couldn’t move it. A photo of the weeks I spent on bed rest. Or the moment someone criticised me for being so drunk my friends were carrying me down the stairs in a pub, when in fact I was being carried because I was in a wheelchair. Or even a photo of me five years ago, when I just assumed that near constant pain was as good as it got, because at least I was fit and healthy and happy.
If you could see those photos, then you’d be able to see my real transformation, from someone who couldn’t, to someone who could.
It’s only fair to say that I didn’t do this on my own. That Tommy has been flipping amazing - from the moment he suggested I try gig rowing back in 2009, to supporting me with my 6 sessions a week pre-Scillies training this year. I’m so grateful to have met and worked with Simon, my chiropractor. And to have found Jolly Sailor Mummies and Buggies and the amazing Helena Collins. These guys have taught me how to make my body work for me, not against me. And of course my lovely crew, for never doubting my ability or my deserving of a place in the boat.
I’ve never hated my body, I’ve never really struggled with body image, or anything like that, but I have struggled with my body. And now I don’t. Now, I can say how truly happy I am in this brilliant body of mine. So, for this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week, please, recognise your bodies for what they can do, not what they look like. If you want to change, do it to make your body work better, not to make it look better. And sorry about the photos...
